Invisibility
by TheEyeOfThePheonix
Summary: He needed invisibility – he wanted to feel invisible again – though if he can get his wish, the vicious cycle shall repeat. An insight into Liam's mind during his ill fated adventure into gang life. Read here about the need for invisibility – before and after everything. One-shot for now. Rated T to be safe


AN: Inspired by a scene between Liam/Whitney in 5th April ep of Eastenders. This is kind of from memory so it might not all seem right; it is my first FF for the Eastenders fandom. I added a few ideas of my own to the plot outlay of it, I hope it makes sense. Anyway, R&R please!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Eastenders

I wanna feel weightless cos that would be enough.  
And this is my reaction to everything I fear  
cos i've been going crazy, i'm stuck in here.  
- Weightless - All Time Low

Invisibility means…Impossible to see; not visible;  
Not accessible to view; hidden;  
Not easily noticed or detected.

But to Liam it means nothing because he will never be invisible, not ever. Some people hate being invisible, others like Liam love it - even crave it.  
Before anything happened, he absolutely hated it - despised it even. He was invisible; his mother was in prison, his father overseas. He'd been shipped off to the country by his gran. It was good as he could visit his mother more often but that also meant he had to leave his school, leave his friends - although he didn't have many.  
There, in the country, he was shrouded in Invisibility and loneliness. His brother and sister, Morgan and Tiffany, were always outside playing with their new friends, but it hadn't been easy for him to make friends. He didn't want to have to go through all the palaver of gaining new friends, having to lie to them or face the threat of being bullied, and then having to leave them again. Lose them again. He'd lost his friends from before, when he'd first moved to Walford. They were homeless and had ended up in the London borough of Walford. He loved it there, in away, he had his family there, but then again he also had no friends there.  
So he had repeated the vicious cycle once again.  
When he returned to Walford with his mother, he had gained a little; he gained being seen a bit. The only things wrong was that his family was held down by money troubles and of the threat that Bianca could be thrown back into jail if she even stood a foot out of line.  
He'd had to grow up fast and get a job, his mother had said she didn't want his money but he felt he had to be the man of the house, his father wasn't there at the moment and his family was slowly drowning. He had to be their savior.  
In a way he felt that it was his fault, that he joined the gang. Though, he did kind of stumble into it, but in the end it ended up being an easy option to make money. He had friends, brothers who would look after him properly and not leave him. They looked out for him. He should of realized that in his messed up mind that it was too good to be true. She had tried to pull him away from them and he didn't like her interfering at first ( She had locked him in his room, he'd never liked being locked in, not since a bunch of kids who despised him had locked him in a cupboard at school for the whole day – that was when he was truly invisible, no one noticed he was missing – sad isn't it) until the end when everything went wrong. When he had escaped to the toilet, locking himself in. he'd phoned her thinking she could save him, though he knew she couldn't. He was theirs now and he knew it.  
They didn't need to doubt his loyalty, he hadn't told anyone anything they did – he may have been tempted to, but he never did. Yes, he'd wanted to return home sometimes, he'd promised Tiff to go to her performance but he just couldn't. They needed him there; he was needed.  
When the police came he was scared, so scared. His mother had been to prison and he knew she'd hated it. He was scared because of Kane, he was really frightening before they had come. But he had had to stand his ground and now, when they asked, he wouldn't say anything.  
He didn't want his mum to be in the room when the police questioned him, he knew she'd want him to talk and then she'd want him to return. He couldn't. He returned to the gang.  
He'd been stabbed, not once in his life had he imagined that he would be stabbed, he'd never wished it on anyone and now it was happening. He thought he was his friend but when Kane said jump they all said how high, so did he, to a point. And to think his mum and gran had seen it too. He could hear his gran run after them and then give up, could hear them on the phone to the ambulance. He remembered seeing his hand soaked in his own blood, he'd wanted to be sick, to cry, to die. He wanted the surgeons to just let him go. He could see no point back, he had ruined his life. Everything else that happened after it was a blur, white washed walls and stripped lights. They were sad, concerned, he knew that. Always sitting by him, this was when he had started to wish to be invisible. And so he'd thought he had come up with a plan to make it happen, he would live with his father, Ricky, overseas. His dad would always be away at work, so he would be able to be alone again. If he'd got his wish, the vicious circle would have begun again.  
He didn't, he had to return to Walford, to Albert Square. To everyone he knew and they would know. He would have to see Tamwar again; he felt some much guilt towards the older boy. No matter what he did he would never be able to make it up to him. And Ava and Dexter were now homeless, thanks to him. They were targeted by the gang and they had had to leave the estate, they would be there too. And Dot, she would pity him and despise him at the same time; he was what the bible despised.  
A few days later he was released, the cab ride…home was weird. Seeing people and places he knew were weird, he was seeing them in a new light. He respected them more, didn't judge them as much, they all looked more brand new and clean. It was almost like an epiphany. Almost.  
The moment he dreaded came to fruition. It was the time to leave the comfort of the cab and enter the real world. Micheal gave him a weird look and his mum had said he wasn't a bad kid - he didn't believe her. He knew he wasn't quite ready to face the world, so he rushed into the house. It wasn't the best house but he had more respect for it. At least he had a home; at least he had a room – even if he did share with his brother. He rushed up the stairs on the pretence of taking his stuff to his room. He didn't shut the door though; he couldn't stand being shut in. Even when he'd locked himself in the bathroom, he was freaking out on the inside. He sat on his bed, in the corner, and just looked around his room, taking in everything. He spotted his picture of his family and badly wanted to cry. He'd nearly jacked it all in and for what, a dingy overcrowded flat shared with a bunch of criminals who'd knife you without a seconds thought.  
Ten minutes later, he heard his mum slowly making her way up the stairs, quietly calling his name. He quickly rose from his bed and headed downstairs to see the police officer waiting at the bottom, he'd came to talk to see how I was getting on. Awhile after, his mum had left the kitchen to let the man out, his gran, Carol decided she would try to talk to Liam. He was doing the dishes, trying to get some normality back into his life. She'd asked if his side was alright, if he was fine. She said that school had been sorted out and that he wouldn't have to return for a while – already they were treating him like a baby.  
Whitney returned home soon after and had greeted him casually saying. "Alright, Liam." But it wasn't a question; she didn't want answers, she didn't want him to talk about his experiences and he silently thanked her by returning her hug.  
Liam had walked down the stairs when he spotted Billy talking to his mum; he'd stopped talking whilst saying "It's just, after their flat got done over like that…" He knew they'd stopped talking because of him, trying to protect him. His Mum had tried to reassure him that it wasn't his fault but he'd simply replied "People make choices." That was when Tiffany and Morgan returned home after their school day had finished, they'd nearly completed a normal day and now here he was ruining it. Whilst they were talking he'd left to go upstairs, he couldn't be doing with their annoying babble, normally he'd put up with it or join it but now he didn't want to. He didn't get the point of pointless conversations anymore.  
He was lost in his room, he didn't know what to do, going out wasn't an option open to him, his mum would almost definitely skin him a live if he even stepped a foot outside.  
He ventured downstairs and watched some TV, trying to feel normal again. Then Whitney came and he thought she had eventually given in and now wanted to talk. He was wrong in a way. She mad a joke about moving to the country and all Liam could think was, not even when I die. She said it gets easier, he didn't believe her though. She then talked briefly about her experiences with the bad kind and said it gets easier, but he didn't believe her and asked if she felt like a freak. She had shaken her head, speaking wistfully. "I felt like I'd let everybody down, though they'd never say it. I know they wanted to ask questions. You hope they don't want to because you don't have the answers…you want to be invisible again, but you're not invisible to me Liam." They shared a brief moment of understanding. She had talked to him like an adult, not belittling him – he liked that.

It helped him to make a decision, he wasn't ready to face Tamwar yet, but there were some people he could help. He gathered up his duvet and pillows and told Whitney he was popping out. She smiled at him as he left. He'd looked to see if he could see anyone he knew before he left and nearly ran along the square to the B&B. Kim didn't judge him when he knocked on the door – or at least she didn't show that she was judging him. Though she did give him a quizzical look, but he ignored it and made his way to the living room come dining room. She was sitting there and looked up when he entered. He explained why he'd bought his duvet and she had smiled even though she was sad. She hadn't gotten the flat. It was Kirsty's fault and Kim had made a joke about me, I kind of hated it but at the same time it was funny and she was trying to make me feel welcome by being herself – gobby, hilarious and not afraid to speak her mind. But then, of all the people who could have made that scene any better, Billy Mitchell had come and told her he'd put the deposit down and they'd got the place. If he felt himself he would almost definitely laugh at Dexter's face, right now it didn't seem right to do so. His mum had done her nut in that he'd left and had came storming in to the B&B, ready to shout at him but then Ava did him another favor and explained to her why he had come. She looked at him in Pride and in Pity. Slowly, Liam was getting his wish. She still babied him but when he wanted to be left alone she respected his decision. And the police said they could protect him from Kane and the gang though he wasn't quite sure that they would ever truly let him be…

AN: I'm not sure if I'm going to turn it into a two-shot or if I'll do a companion or sequel to it. Would you read any more if I wrote them?


End file.
